Situationship: Being Obedient Wasn’t What I Wanted To Do

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Has God ever told you to do something and you didn’t want to do it? Did you actually obey or did you do things your way? When you FINALLY obeyed, did you do exactly what he asked or did you partially do it your way?

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Ok, Ok, Ok, I’ll raise my hand because I am definitely guilty!

Let me tell you about a time when I was in a great situationship with this nice guy. For those that don’t know what a situationship is, Urban Dictionary defines it as “any problematic relationship characterized by one or more unresolved, interpersonal conflicts. Usually confused with dating”.

This situationship wasn’t a new thing for me, it was actually similar to many other relationships
I’ve entertained in the past. I thought it was cool because we were getting to know each other, we had a lot of fun together and we even talked about our possible future with one another.

Eventually he introduced me to his family and that same night asked me if I wanted to be in an official relationship. I said no because it was way too soon, yet we continued to date and spend a lot of time together. (Isn’t that backwards ?!?)

I really enjoyed him as a person but one thing that bothered me was he never wanted to go to church with me. This is what you call a RED FLAG. The time we spent wasn’t limited to just weekends but when we did spend Saturday nights together, I would ask him to come to church with me the next morning. He would always make an excuse as to why he couldn’t come. At first I thought, perhaps it’s too soon to bring him to church, but then I was just confused about why he never wanted to come. I mean he said he believed in God and that his family were Christians. Why wouldn’t he want to come to church with me?

Have you ever been in this situation?

Have you found yourself with someone that finds you good enough to have sex with but not good enough for other things that are important to you,  like accompanying you to church? 

I wasn’t any better at the time. I would drink, hang out all night and even have sex and then roll out of bed and go to church the very next day. Ughhh Yeah, that was me! But then something changed!

So, as time went on I started to consider taking things to the “next level” with this guy. I really thought we had a future together. We were planning to do more relationship-type things. We were even planning to go away on vacations. We were really making progress. At some point I thought I was possibly falling in love….so I thought!

I remember there being a series of encounters that led to my decision to be obedient to God. One of my friends told me how she met a great guy and they were abstaining from sex until marriage. She went on to describing how great it was to date a guy without sex being involved. Then, there was me learning about Ciara and Russel Wilson and Meagan Good and her husband Devon Franklin. I admired how these celebrities were very dedicated to God by honoring their bodies and used their platforms to demonstrate God’s word. What came next was a conversation with a very close friend about the decisions I was making with this guy and how I wasn’t aligning myself with God’s best for my life. And lastly, I had a dream about someone telling me how I needed to abstain from sex.

I had prayed to God that next morning asking him for guidance, strength, peace,  comfort, and for a sign. I went to work as normal and my boss came to my cubicle with yellow flowers. She said that it was a belated gift from when my grandfather had passed. Crazy thing is, my grandfather had past one month before this day. So the first thing that popped in my head was “What is the significance of these yellow flowers and why today?“. I immediately google searched and found that Yellow is associated with gold and is considered a symbol of clarity and truth. It holds symbolism of provision and all things that are wholesome. Wholesome is synonymous for good, moral, virtuous and pure. I couldn’t believe what I had just read!

I wasn’t quite sold on that as a sign, but don’t you know that God has a sense of humor! LOL. As I went to close a cabinet at work that day, a magnet fell off  the top of it that read “It was then that I carried you…”  Let me just be very clear. This was a cabinet that I closed EVERYDAY.  I had no idea that it was up there. Why did it fall off the cabinet that day?

For me this meant that it was time to make a decision. Either me and him were going to be together or I was going to move on. Wait a minute! Did you notice the sequence of events that God had placed in my life ,yet I was still thinking of doing things my way?

Subtle or not , The message that God was sending me was to STOP HAVING SEX.

How do you tell someone whom you’d already had sex with that you couldn’t have sex anymore? 

Honestly, I was afraid to. I was afraid of sounding like an idiot. I was also afraid that this would ruin the possibilities of us being together. I remember being conflicted between what I knew was right and what I wanted.

Finally, I got enough nerves to tell him. I instead called him on the phone and asked if he wanted to be in a relationship. I figured since things were moving in the “right direction” then maybe this is the opportunity to talk about making us official. Well, guess what?! He said ,“No”. He told me that he wasn’t 100% sure yet and he needed more time. HUH?! Is this the same guy that asked me a few months ago to be in a relationship with him?! I was so confused! BUT looking back that’s what I deserved for not obeying what God was telling me to do. I should’ve just told him that this situationship needed to change and that I couldn’t have sex with him anymore. 

After he told me that he wasn’t sure, I told him that I was taking some steps back. When he asked for clarity, I told him that I didn’t want to get hurt and that we couldn’t have sex anymore. Crazy thing was, I was hurt anyway. 

We still remained friends and for a few weeks he acted like nothing had changed. He still called me everyday, we still studied together, we still kissed, and we even spent the night together. PAUSE! Sleeping in the same bed with him and not having sex was VERY challenging. That was stupid, but thankfully I survived that night without giving in. He said he understood and respected my decision to wait, but he  knew that he couldn’t be celibate. I wasn’t changing my mind and neither was he….So what happens now? 

As the weeks went on, I started to develop a real relationship with God. Eventually I lost my desire for the guy. I didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore.

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Lessons Learned:

• Don’t ignore the Red Flags

It didn’t feel right that he never wanted to attend church with me. Stand clear of the people who tell you that they “believe in God” but bear no fruit of the spirit, don’t go to church, doesn’t have an active prayer life or a relationship with God that goes beyond asking God for what he can do for them.

DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS (2 CORINTHIANS 6:14)

• We must be Obedient to God

Being obedient is not just about yourself. Obedience is tied to other people too. Perhaps your obedience can be the reason why someone else has a breakthrough. Perhaps me being obedient to God will be/could’ve been the catalyst to that guy that I was dating actually submitting his life to Christ. And lets face it, there is a downward trajectory when we are not obedient, whether we want to believe it or not.

obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22)

• Don’t settle for less than God’s best

Remember how the guy told me that he wasn’t sure about being in a relationship with me?! Had I still been having sex with him, I highly doubt that I would even be in an official relationship with him by now. What if he did say that he was ready for a relationship?

What kind of relationship would that have been? 

See, the enemy wants you to settle for something that isn’t of God. He knows exactly what you like, so he will trick you into thinking that you’ve struck gold. BUT the only thing you win is Fool’s Gold. Don’t settle for something just because it met your deadline and not God’s timing for you. I’m thankful for God’s forgiveness and favor in this situation.

God’s plans for our lives are far greater than ours will ever be (Jeremiah 29:11)

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I hope you enjoyed this post. Until next time…

Love, 

        Leigh C

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