If you are reading this post that means you survived Valentine’s Day! Yay! You survived all of the balloons, roses, candy and romantic dinners that most couples participated in yesterday. Whether you are single, dating or married I truly hope you enjoyed your day. I actually like Valentine’s Day, but that wasn’t always the case.
I remember several years ago, it was Valentine’s Day weekend and my boyfriend, at the time, wanted to do something romantic so he decided to take us on a weekend getaway to Washington DC. The hotel was just outside of DC but close enough to still enjoy the city. I was very excited and had been looking forward to this weekend. This was just what our relationship needed since we both had been working a lot and hadn’t been able to spend much time together.
We arrived at the hotel and decided to take a nap before hitting the streets. Eventually we both fell asleep, but I woke up to his phone buzzing on the bedside table. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, however the phone continued to go off which made it very hard for me to ignore. I took a look at his phone to see who had been trying to reach him in case it was an emergency. My initial thought was that it may be his kid’s mother trying to reach him, but when I looked at the phone, much to my surprise, I was wrong. It was a female I remember seeing him text about 8 months prior.
The text message read
“Thank you Baby for the gift. You are so sweet. I miss you! Wish we were spending the night together.”
Immediately horrified by what I had just read, my heart sank. Here I am ALL the way in DC hoping to spend a beautiful weekend with him and now I’m reading messages that imply that he’d been cheating on me. WOW!
At that moment I began to replay the past several months of our relationship to see where I may have missed the signs. –There are ALWAYS signs. However, I couldn’t even think clearly, I was just hurt.
Much to my surprise he was still asleep, So I took that opportunity to read the rest of the messages that she’d sent him. –I know you’re probably thinking, why did she go through his phone? Well, I thought I had every reason to after what I had just read.
Of course you know it only got worse from here!
My heart was beating so fast at the thought of what else I might find. I then read through their text thread and learned that he had been having an entire relationship on the side. SMH.
He had bought her a puppy and she was texting to thank him for that and the other gifts that he’d given her earlier that day. They exchanged the word “baby” often. And even told each other “I Love You” several times. He obviously lied to her regarding why they couldn’t be together for Valentine’s Day night, but he made sure she felt special in his absence. –Done by a true player, Right?!
I put the phone down and walked out of the hotel room, called one of my close friends and just cried. That made me feel better, but of course, I was still angry. I went back upstairs and he was still asleep. I then sat on the bed next to him and shouted his name to wake him up. I asked him about the female and of course he made like he had no clue what I was talking about until I told him that I saw the messages that she sent to his phone. He read the text messages and immediately said she was just a friend.
HAHAHA Clearly he lied right in my face.
He said that it was for her birthday, not Valentine’s Day and that they’d been friends for over 10 years. Then he called me crazy for being upset over him giving her a gift. (Insert eye roll here)
This is when the entire situation flipped.
It was as if something changed. He looked different. There was this look of rage in his eyes.
He stood up from the bed and began cursing me out. He called me everything in the book for going into his phone. Insecure, Jealous, Crazy, B*tch, the list goes on. He even said that I was the reason why our relationship wasn’t going to work anymore and after that day, when we get home, he was done with me and our relationship.
How could he cheat on me and then spin it around when I confronted him?!
He stormed out of the room.
I was upset, my feelings hurt!
Happy Valentine’s Day to Me!
I’ve learned several things about Love over the years and one thing is for sure, I got it wrong a lot of times, as you can see. Of the long list of things I’ve learned about love, I would like to share a few things that come to mind.
Making Love Doesn’t Make it Love
Lust and sex oftentimes clouds our perspective of the relationships that we get into. We get into these already ambiguous relationships with people we think we love, not realizing that the sex is what has us thinking we are more into a person than we really are. Especially if the sex is good! –Just being honest.
Love should be accompanied with peace
Does your relationship bring you peace? You should really ask yourself this question. I know that no relationship is without issues, but at the end of the day Do you have peace with that person? Perhaps you should consider pursuing peace instead of “love”. If that love doesn’t bring you peace will you be happy? Who needs the emotional ups and downs?!, Not me!
Love is a Decision
Love is less about feelings and more about a consistent decision that you make. When you decide to love someone what you’re really doing is saying “I choose you”. You’re deciding to love them when the relationships is going great AND also when there are challenges. You are making the decision to love them unconditionally, knowing that they are flawed. But don’t be stupid. I am not saying you accept disrespect, cheating and unhappiness. I am simply saying that love is a steady choice. Choose wisely AND soberly.
God’s Love is a gift to me
Love is the greatest gift from God. He loved me before I loved him. The love that God has for us is greater than any love you or I will ever experience. His love covers every area of our life, whether it be the best part of us or the darkest.
God’s Love is faithful –He cares for you and he is with you always. He is not like that inconsistent boyfriend who is cheating and lying to you.
The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning- Lamentations 3:22-23
Since I started understanding God’s love for me, I have been able to heal from several bad relationships, including friendships. I often think to myself, if I was aware of God’s love for me back when I was in those toxic relationships would I have gotten into them in the first place?!
What have you learned about Love?
I hope you enjoyed this post. Until next time…
Love,
Leigh C
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Oh what a nightmare! I’m so sorry you had to go through that but grateful for the lessons it brought. Now you have such a powerful testimony to share and I’m glad that you’re doing just that!
Marva, This was definitely a nightmare, but as you mentioned, there are some good takeaways from this situation. I always hope to be able to bless at least 1 person with my transparency.
Thank you for reading.
What a horrible story! I have a friend who overheard her boyfriend having an intimate conversation with another woman. When he lied to her, she believed him. SMH. So glad you had the strength to walk away. That is something I have learned about love. You have to have strength to walk away. But, you also have to have strength to stay. I have been married 30 years. Seems like a long time, but to me, it really seems like yesterday. In those 30 years, I have had to have the strength to stay. I’m sure my husband would feel the same way. Love is a decision. A tough one sometimes. I love my husband, but I love God more. Things aren’t alway easy. Like the country song says, ” You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.” Thanks for sharing this story.
Sheila,
At the time, it was very hard to leave, but i did! It makes me happy to hear of you and your husband being happily married for 30 years. That is most definitely something to celebrate and look forward to for myself.
Thank you for reading